We made it to 38 weeks and not a week longer...as we get to meet Graham today! Finally!
I was thinking this morning around 2 AM (and discussed the same topic prior to going to bed) when I couldn't sleep and I was thirsty but I couldn't drink anything (or eat after midnight) of how different this whole pregnancy was and that with so much going on in day to day life of being a mom to a toddler plus any other stuff that you are dealing with and lately we have been going through a bunch...you just don't have the chance to sit and dwell and get anxious and the fact that you have done this all before takes the newness out of it. It is a weird feeling. Doctors appointments, shopping, registering, making the nursery and reading baby books all feel like an item on a to-do list because you are just trying to get through your day huge, uncomfortable and pregnant while managing a strong willed and opinionated toddler. And when your pregnancy involves three months of vomiting, three months of cramping and three months of constant monitoring and blood work...it gets old. Don't get me wrong, I feel beyond blessed and am so thankful to be able to become pregnant again and carry this baby to past full term. But I have been so scared that I am never going to have that excited feeling and forget about how I am scared I can't have enough room in my heart to love him like Peyton. So, unlike the first time when you are scared about bringing home a baby, what to do, when to feed him etc, this time it is a different and more complex set of fears and emotions.
Well, today when I finally gave up on sleep around 5 AM I woke up with an anticipation and excitement. I even talked to Graham and told him to get ready because around 9:30 AM someone was pulling him out whether he was awake and ready or not! I can't wait to hold him, I know that God will give me the capacity to love him just as much as Peyton but in different ways and to appreciate the unique man that he will be. I am trusting in God and having faith that He will continue to guide us and give us the right discernment in raising Graham as He has been our source of strength with Peyton. I am ready and so excited and made sure to wear waterproof mascara!
Off we go to the hospital.....